Monday, August 25, 2008

Icky

I'm having a really icky day. Really really icky. Like I want to tear off my skin and not live in it for a while. Angry. Resentful.

I spent the weekend in New Hampshire with my closest friends from high school. I haven't spent any significant amount of time with them for almost ten years. Nothing has changed. I haven't felt so happy, content and healthy in a very long time. Those girls - they don't just make me feel comfortable with myself; they make me feel better about myself. Unique, interesting and lovable.

And then I had to come home.

I have no close female friends here, but for one friend who hasn't really bothered to call or stop by for weeks now. I don't even really have many close male friends. I just don't have close friends. In fact, my closest friend is AJ and while I want things to be that way, I don't want him to be my only close friend - that just puts too much pressure on him and on our relationship. It's not healthy.

It's getting harder and harder to meet people, the older I get. I have less time, am more isolated physically from my peers.

This is hard...feeling lonely like this and missing the girls I just spent the weekend with. I need a posse. I need women.
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3 comments:

for a different kind of girl said...

Your previous post screams out to me. I've a friend who has basically sucked the life out of our friendship because it was always and forever about her when we talked or got together. I understood she was going through hard times, and I wanted to be there for her, but I, too, was going through a spell, and she never took a breath, in all the time spent together, to ask me about me. It hurts, and it exhausts you to feel like you're the only one who commits

(irony - someone named Lily in some spam mail just nominated me as a super friend, and that just popped into my email inbox while I am typing this!)

Anyway, I get what you're saying. What makes the example I mention more painful is that she's one of only a couple female friends I have here. The other has spent the last two years in nursing school, so I've not seen much of her. Until now, since she just graduated, but spending time together now is kind of like starting from scratch.

Most of my closests friends are from college, and we don't see each other nearly enough. It is hard to make friends as an adult. You don't want to seem too needy, but you just want a connection. I get it, and I wish for you to find it.

August 25, 2008 at 8:54 AM
Badass Geek said...

As much as you might like to tear off your skin, I would highly advise against it. I've heard it can be terribly hard to reattatch.

On a more serious note, *hug*.

August 25, 2008 at 9:58 AM
A.C. said...

Thanks for the hug, BAG. You're a good virtual hug giver.

FADKOG - let's be best friends, okay? When can you move here?

I appreciate your comment...it's really nice to know that other people go through the same things and that I'm not a big loser :)

August 25, 2008 at 10:39 AM

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